I want my blogs to be rawer, sharing with you my experiences in life and my lessons through those experiences. So, yesterday at the college youth group, a woman spoke on stage. She had this type of humor and deep-ness that came together perfectly. My roommate looked at me and said, she reminds me of you. It brought me even more clarity to my future in testimonial public speaking. That’s just a side note of something God did personally in this, though. Her message is really where it was.
There were a few things she said that I want to emphasize to you guys now.
We closed our eyes and we imagined that ONE thing. That ONE thing that has been consuming our thoughts. whether it’s depression, addiction, pornography, suicidal thoughts, fear, lust, doubt, regret, heartbreak. ANYTHING. Now imagine yourself holding it. It’s so heavy that it is weighing your arms down. With your eyes closed, imagine yourself looking up and there is Jesus. Gaze into his eyes. As you read this in your head, calm your voice and imagine it in a whisper.
He says to you, “Here, let me hold it for you.”
Reach out and give it to him. Let the weight release.
He whispers to you, “I know” “I know you are hurting” “I know that person broke your heart” “I know”.
“But it’s okay. I am holding it for you. I am right here, child.”
Wow. Just gaze into His eyes and let Him hold your pain. Just hand it over to Him. As her eyes passed me out of the 500 people in the crowd, she said “there is more for you”. None of you know how badly I needed to hear those words.
He is whispering “I know” to you right now. He is reminding you that there is more for you. you are not alone, He knows.
The next thing she spoke of is standing up in front of everyone at church and raising our hands in worship. Then, leaving and living the party life and telling no one about Jesus. Not even just the party life, though. Maybe for you, it’s going home and watching pornography alone in your room. THAT'S WHAT THE DEVIL WANTS. He wants you to follow Jesus but for Jesus to not change your life! He knows there is no significance in that. He wants you to put a mask on and hideaway. He wants you to separate faith and fear. He wants you to feel shame and unworthiness. Not the fear-of-God unworthiness but the feelings of helplessness and suicidal unworthiness. The kind that KEEPS you from pursuing God fully because you don't feel worthy.
This is something that God has just laid on my heart...There are two types of unworthiness...
Fear of God and Fear of yourself. One is of the devil and holds you back from Life and the other is meant for constant pursuance of God and repentance.
I like giving background because I once was the Christian who didn't know the meaning behind commonly used terms such as “Fear of God” and “Repentance”. Fear of God is not the “ahhh God is going to kill me if I do this” kind of fear. It's the “God is SO good that I am not even going to think about doing this because I love and value Him too much.” That’s the difference between Religion and Relationship that people talk about so often. THAT'S a different topic for a different blog, though. (Because there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the religion part of it if you have the relationship part down).
What I mean by constant pursuance in this is when you are in Fear of God, you are in AWE. You know that you will never be worthy of His love because we are sinners and He is not. What sinner is worthy of perfection? BUT, despite that unworthiness, you constantly pursue Him because you want to be able to live up to His plan AS MUCH as possible. You strive to be worthy, knowing you never will be. BUT you do it anyway because He deserves as much effort as you can possibly give.
Do not let the devil make you feel the bad unworthy. You are worthy of what God has given you for the time that He does. If you were not, He would have given it to someone else. Pull yourself out of those feelings and that shame.
Hear His whisper when He tells you "There is more for you".
LEAVE THAT HIDDEN SIN. Can I get an AMEN!?
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